I am often asked the question, “What are you thinking about?”
I usually say “Nothing,” but that’s not true.
Mostly I think about God. Honestly, God runs through my head
almost incessantly.
The other things I think about in pretty equal measure are
1.) Debt, bills, how in the hell are we gonna pay our rent this month? and 2.)
Sex, porn, how nice that girl’s ass is.
I would willingly say “God” if I hadn’t discovered the fact
that most people are turned off by God or want to get into some woo-woo talk
about crystals, airy-fairyness, or accepting Jesus as your personal savior.
And I’m sure as hell not going to tell someone, “Well I was
just thinking about how nice your tits look in that shirt, and if I wasn’t
married I’d think about wanting to fuck you, but since I’m married, I’ll
probably just file your tits away in my mental rolodex and use them when I’m
jerking off in the shower.” P.S. –
I love my wife, we have an amazing sex life, but I’m a Scorpio and as much as
I’ve tried to go without jerking off or thinking about sex during one of the
barren sex spells my wife and I have had, it only creates more sex on the
brain. (And just so you know, if you’re not married, make sure your
relationship has more going for it than the raucous sex, because for the majority
of married couples, it will taper off and the 3 times a day sex you think will
last for years, won’t. And if all you have is sex, when it’s far less frequent,
you’ll wonder where the love went and why you are married to this person.)
On a side note – Guys, be careful of wanting to marry
your first regular pussy. It’s
easy to look past incompatibly when you’re getting some, especially if it’s the
first time you’ve had it. Beware
the first regular pussy. You’ve
been warned.
And when it comes to debt and bills, and the inherent stress
of making enough money to barely make ends meet? I tend to not talk to other
people about my problems or concerns, even with my wife. I am hoping to change this, not to become
one of those people that immediately launches into every issue they’ve ever had
and just how shitty their life is (I was just making small talk in the
supermarket line, didn’t realize I had a “Free Therapy” sticker on my
forehead). But I want to be able
at least to discuss my stresses, my fears, my problems and work towards the
remedy. I think for so long I have
been afraid of being looked at as a failure, that if I discussed my problems, I
would receive that validation and confirmation, and so, instead, I run the
stress and struggle in circles around the safety of my own head, fulfilling my
view that I am a failure – even though I know that I am not and that is just
some bullshit mechanism that my own psyche and ego plays to perpetuate it’s own
sad story.
So I usually just say “Nothing.”
