Monday, February 13, 2012

God, Debt, and Sex - Running Through My Brain

I am often asked the question, “What are you thinking about?”

I usually say “Nothing,” but that’s not true.

Mostly I think about God. Honestly, God runs through my head almost incessantly.

The other things I think about in pretty equal measure are 1.) Debt, bills, how in the hell are we gonna pay our rent this month? and 2.) Sex, porn, how nice that girl’s ass is.

I would willingly say “God” if I hadn’t discovered the fact that most people are turned off by God or want to get into some woo-woo talk about crystals, airy-fairyness, or accepting Jesus as your personal savior.

And I’m sure as hell not going to tell someone, “Well I was just thinking about how nice your tits look in that shirt, and if I wasn’t married I’d think about wanting to fuck you, but since I’m married, I’ll probably just file your tits away in my mental rolodex and use them when I’m jerking off in the shower.”  P.S. – I love my wife, we have an amazing sex life, but I’m a Scorpio and as much as I’ve tried to go without jerking off or thinking about sex during one of the barren sex spells my wife and I have had, it only creates more sex on the brain. (And just so you know, if you’re not married, make sure your relationship has more going for it than the raucous sex, because for the majority of married couples, it will taper off and the 3 times a day sex you think will last for years, won’t. And if all you have is sex, when it’s far less frequent, you’ll wonder where the love went and why you are married to this person.)

On a side note – Guys, be careful of wanting to marry your first regular pussy.  It’s easy to look past incompatibly when you’re getting some, especially if it’s the first time you’ve had it.  Beware the first regular pussy.  You’ve been warned.

And when it comes to debt and bills, and the inherent stress of making enough money to barely make ends meet? I tend to not talk to other people about my problems or concerns, even with my wife.  I am hoping to change this, not to become one of those people that immediately launches into every issue they’ve ever had and just how shitty their life is (I was just making small talk in the supermarket line, didn’t realize I had a “Free Therapy” sticker on my forehead).  But I want to be able at least to discuss my stresses, my fears, my problems and work towards the remedy.  I think for so long I have been afraid of being looked at as a failure, that if I discussed my problems, I would receive that validation and confirmation, and so, instead, I run the stress and struggle in circles around the safety of my own head, fulfilling my view that I am a failure – even though I know that I am not and that is just some bullshit mechanism that my own psyche and ego plays to perpetuate it’s own sad story.

So I usually just say “Nothing.”

No comments:

Post a Comment